Wrestling with overwhelming fears about salvation
In another forum, a friend asked a question about how to be sure of our salvation. It struck me that others may be wrestling with this same concept, so I’m adapting my thoughts a bit and posting them here.
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Seasons in which we doubt our salvation are some of the most difficult of the Christian life. They not only involve the pain of the doubt itself but also shame, loneliness, and fear that we cannot admit the struggle without being rebuked in ways that cause more harm than good.
However, almost every mature Christian I know has been through this. So if you are in such a season, please don’t feel Ike something is wrong with you or that you are alone.
When those doubts have come to me, it’s often been helpful to zoom out a little and think about what sort of strategies our enemy would use if he wanted to incapacitate me. I don’t like being darkness-centered, but I do think considering the unseen war in which we are engaged, and thinking through what sort of attacks are made in battle, can be terribly enlightening.
In a moment, I will talk about how I *think* salvation works. But before I do that, let’s think about what our enemy could do to harm someone who has received a new life in Christ.
If he cannot take away our salvation, he can at least try to convince us that it doesn’t exist—because if he can do this, we are immediately unable to access the hope and resources that God has waiting for everyone who is his child. It’s sort of like convincing a wealthy heir that he is just an impoverished street urchin. Or it’s like convincing a foot soldier that his weaponry is jammed in the midst of a battle in which he has the clear advantage.
Our enemy is a lot like emotional abusers who gaslight and manipulate. He knows we cannot access what we do not believe we have—which takes an opponent out of the Great War. Thinking about battle strategy from the enemy’s perspective, asking why such attempts would be made on our minds, can help us have a bigger context for the tapes that continually play by the ravenous, evil lion that hunts us—shaming us and discouraging us from digging deep into God.
As for how salvation works, I cannot assure you of what happened in the past, nor do I think it’s critical to dissect all of those events. Sometimes the “Did this actually happen?” question can become a bit of a black hole. What I can say is this. Do you remember the Passover scene in the Old Testament? The angel passed by any home that had the blood of the lamb marked on its outside. This metaphor showed us how a similar miracle would emerge hundreds of years later.
If you and I are marked by the blood of the Lamb who took away the sins of the world, God passes over what we have done and counts his righteousness as our own. When I am caught in a cycle like this, sometimes I cling to that image desperately. My brain starts to eat itself, and the enemy plagues me with fears. But I think, “I have asked (and am asking) God to mark me with the blood of the Lamb. Because of that blood—not because of what I have or haven’t done—I am secure.”
Growth as a believer emerges out of this security. Our actions don’t do the work of securing us. That difference is so important to remember. The mark of the blood precedes the change.
So maybe we need to stop trying to figure out what happened or didn’t in the past. Today think about whether or not you want to be marked with blood that is sufficient for all your failures. Then ask God for that mark and trust that what Jesus did on the cross is sufficient for you. Invite Him to paint his salvation on you and to indwell you, leading your life. Then move forward.
When doubts come as the enemy attempts to reclaim and paralyze you, visualize that blood marking you, protecting you from all harm and death. Because it is sufficient for you. No matter what. Here is where it all begins, and it is enough.
Marc Chagall ‘The Passover”